A Spork in the Drawer

More Cows!

From the "What Will They Think of Next?" file - Mini Cows!

For between £200 and £2,000, people can buy a cow that stands no taller than a large German shepherd dog, gives 16 pints of milk a day that can be drunk unpasteurised, keeps the grass “mown” and will be a family pet for years before ending up in the freezer.

[...]

“People are realising that if you’ve got a couple of acres, you can just stick them there,” said Sue Archer, the society’s breed secretary. “They eat grass so they are very cost-effective and they have a lovely temperament.”

Now if they can come up with teacup cattle I'll be truly impressed.

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Who Needs A Compass...

...when you can have a cow?

Go north, young bovine!

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Headline Of The Day

Giant dog turd wreaks havoc at Swiss museum

Havoc.

Yes.

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Saturday Palate Cleanser

This will annoy you. Oh yes it will.

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Headline Of The Day

Sheep gets stuck on roof of house

Photo: Jan Robinson

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OK

Leggy supermodels to get their own category of work visas.

That's important.

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Losing The All-Important Qadaffi Endorsement

I'm sure Sen. Obama is devastated:

"The statements of our Kenyan brother of American nationality Obama on Jerusalem ... show that he either ignores international politics and did not study the Middle East conflict or that it is a campaign lie."

[...]

"We fear that Obama will feel that, because he is black with an inferiority complex, this will make him behave worse than the whites … This will be a tragedy," Gadafy said. "We tell him to be proud of himself as a black and feel that all Africa is behind him."

Which begs the question: Just who will Qadaffi endorse? McCain? Barr? Nader? McKinney? C'mon Moammar, we need to know!

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Sometimes A Banana Is Just A Banana

Creationists have *issues*:

The one fondling the banana is named Ray Comfort. The other one is Kirk Cameron of "Growing Pains" non-fame.

"When you pull the tab the contents don't squirt in your face."

Priceless.

[Via Tapped.]

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Monday Poll

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Having A Bad Day?

Try this:

A group of European scuba divers swept away in strong currents scrambled onto a remote Indonesian island only to face another threat: a Komodo dragon.

A port official said Sunday the divers from Britain, France and Sweden were able to scare off the giant lizard by pelting it with rocks and pieces of wood.

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Jesus Of Blawnox

The hell?

A religious group is planning to distribute 250,000 Pittsburgh-themed New Testament Bibles in advertising pouches to be delivered with editions of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette newspaper.

Saul had his epiphany on the road to Squirrel Hill, y'know.

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Scary Critter Of The Day

Giant, rampaging, meat-eating mice.

Once they get a taste of human blood we're finished.

A Gough Island mouse stands over the remains of an Albatross chick. Photograph: Ross Wanless/Ho

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Please Welcome The New Japanese Amabassador

(AP Photo/Koji Sasahara)


Well, sorta.

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The Things You Learn On The Internets

A penguin in a wetsuit:



(AP Photo/Eric Risberg)


No sillier than a penguin on the telly, to be sure.

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Things The World Doesn't Need

Cheerleaders.

During cricket matches.

Brings new meaning to the term "tea and crumpets."

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What The Hell Is Wrong With Canada?

These are all headlines in today's Globe and Mail:

Sperm under siege

The problem with poo

No, I fine. I put pee-pee in toilet

What, is it Bodily Discharge Day in the Great White North?

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God Works In Mysterious Ways

Called home:

A Roman Catholic priest who floated off under hundreds of helium party balloons was missing today off the southern coast of Brazil.

Rescuers in helicopters and small fishing boats were searching off the coast of Santa Catarina state, where pieces of balloons were found.

Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli lifted off from the port city of Paranagua on Sunday afternoon, wearing a helmet, thermal suit and a parachute.

[...]

"He knew what he was doing and was fully prepared for any kind of mishap."

Video of Rev. de Carli's ascent to Heaven at link.

[Via PZ.]

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Who Knew?

Gay people, who are worse than terrorists, seize control of Pittsburgh

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Can Anyone Be Truly Surprised?

Steely McBeam charged with DUI.

Mr. McBeam looks the type:

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Headline Of The Day

Postal workers attacked by wild turkeys

Now that's just wrong.

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Who Knew?

It's the International Year of the Potato!

This spud's for you:

[Via The Shrill One.]

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In The Tank

And so it continues. The Pittsburgh City Paper's Chris Potter:

While Barack Obama visited Oakland's Soldiers & Sailors Hall on March 28, Clinton was bewitching Pittsburgh Tribune-Review publisher Richard Mellon Scaife. Yes, that's right: The architect and arch-fiend behind what Clinton herself called a "vast right-wing conspiracy" is apparently quite taken with his onetime adversary. And the proof is a March 30 column Scaife wrote for his paper.

Titled "Hillary, Reassessed," the column notes that "Clinton has been criticized regularly, often harshly, by the Trib. We disagreed with many of her policies and her actions." That actually whitewashes the antagonism: Scaife doesn't mention the Trib's role in spreading scurrilous rumors about the death of President Bill Clinton's aide Vince Foster, for example.

But Scaife and Clinton have a lot in common by now. For one thing, Scaife's marriage is a public joke too, thanks to an ugly divorce profiled in a recent jaw-dropping Vanity Fair story.* Among the story's more delicious highlights: Scaife's estranged wife "once kicked Dick in the crotch ... and his testicles swelled to such a size that he had to be taken to the emergency room." [Link added - ed.]

From Dicky's love letter:

Does all this mean I'm ready to come out and recommend that our Democrat readers choose Sen. Clinton in Pennsylvania's April 22 primary?

No -- not yet, anyway. In fairness, we at the Trib want to hear Sen. Barack Obama's answers to some of the same questions and to others before we make that decision.

But it does mean that I have a very different impression of Hillary Clinton today than before last Tuesday's meeting -- and it's a very favorable one indeed.

A couple of points:

"'Democrat' readers" - 'nuff said.

Richard Mellon Scaife has all but endorsed Hillary. Think about that. This would be the same Richard Mellon Scaife who spent millions to destroy her husband (and her) and is such a classy, classy guy:

A few minutes later [Scaife] appeared at the top of the Club steps. At the bottom of the stairs, the following exchange occurred:

"Mr. Scaife, could you explain why you give so much money to the New Right?"

"You fucking Communist cunt, get out of here."

This is Hillary's new BFF.

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The Mid-Atlantic States: America's Den Of Iniquity

New York:

New York Gov. David Paterson, who took over the state's top job Monday after Eliot Spitzer resigned amid a prostitution scandal, has admitted he and his wife Michelle had affairs during a rough patch in their marriage several years ago, a newspaper reported.

New Jersey:

Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey says he and his wife Dina Matos McGreevey used to engage in three-way sex with his ex-aide and driver.

Not to be left out, Pennsylvania:

Host Peter Sagal glossed an earlier Rendell comment on Spitzer’s fall from grace as, “Out of the 50 governors [likely to be caught frequenting prostitutes], he’d be fiftieth” — referring to Spitzer’s well-known penchant for sanctimony. Rendell noted that there are actually 10 women governors, so Spitzer would actually have to be fortieth. Sagal then asked Rendell, “Where would you put yourself on the list?”

“In terms of the style of the person, I’d put myself in the middle of the pack,” the Pennsylvania governor responded. Good to know.

At least in Delaware the only things doing the screwing are insurance companies.

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Fun For Children Of All Ages

This is a two-fer: Instill fear into children and teach them to obey unquestioningly obey authority with the Playmobil Security Check Point!

As Threat Level mentions, the fun is in the customer reviews:

Missing an important item By Alexander E. Paulsen "AlexP" (Jacksonville, Fl United States)

This is great learning too for young brownshirts.
I am waiting for a few accessories though, kids size jackboots and a toy Taser. Think how much fun that will be for your young Martin Bormann types. I envision a low voltage say 5KV instead of 50kv to give a realistic but non-hazardous jolt.
Next we can have a nice Nerf Nightstick and little Heinrich can have great start getting ready for his future job with the TSA, local police force or the new STASI ( Secure Transportation And Safety Inititive)
Be the first on your block.
I also look forward to the upcoming Halliburton Play detention center real simulated barbed wire.

Needed the upgrade pack
By R. Dobson (UK)

At first it looked as though my Playmobil terrorist cell was going have trouble getting through this security system - no naked flames, sharp objects, guns or bombs. Then I bought the Tobacco Lobbyist upgrade pack which allowed cigarette lighters to be carried through so they simply torched the plane instead. Hours of fun for all the family.

I have other ideas!
By Shabazz Friendly "katoshabazz" (Portland, OR)

I think Playmobil is already working on this...an Abu Graib version that allows tykes to sodomize naked prisoners with blunt objects and stack them in human pyramids. Educational-icious!

And my favorite:

The traveler looks French By Sue Generous "reader_in_cahoots" (Seattle, WA)

The French are why we need security checkpoints in the first place.

Heckuva country we live in.

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Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid

Say "hello" to your new overlords:

Killer robots could become the weapon of choice for militants, a British expert said on Wednesday.

[...]

"How long is it going to be before the terrorists get in on the act? With the current prices of robot construction falling dramatically and the availability of ready-made components for the amateur market, it wouldn't require a lot of skill to make autonomous robot weapons."

Meet the new boss. (Dr. Zachary Smith not included.)

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The Hell?

Rightwing propagandist Frank Luntz:

On the February 21 edition of Fox News' Hannity & Colmes, while conducting a focus group analysis of the February 21 Democratic presidential debate, Fox News contributor Frank Luntz asked focus group participants if they "wanted" to see Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton "argue." When several of the participants responded, "Yes," Luntz asked, "You want them to take it on? You all agree with that?" After more participants concurred, Luntz asked: "How many of you want them to really argue? Raise your hands." Luntz then asked: "And how many of you want them to make love to each other?"

It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Luntz was trying to plant the idea of miscegenation in people's heads. That sort of thing is effective with some of the lizard-brains out there.

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Department Of Understatement

Sex with dead model 'was wrong'

Indeed.

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GOP Vote Rigging

Against one of their own?

Short version: Mike Huckabee was closing in on John McCain in Saturday's Washington caucus (after winning Louisiana and Kansas) when the chair of the state GOP suddenly declared the vote counting over. With 13% of the precincts uncounted.

As Josh says, Bush v. Gore this ain't but something's rotten in the state of Washington.

---

UPDATE: The Huckster calls in the lawyers.

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Headline Of The Day

England are keen as Mustard on Phil

I couldn't have put it better myself.

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Can't Do Worse Than Alan Greenspan

Ohio forecasting pig will opine on economy

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The GOP Goes For Teh Cute

Makes your teeth ache it does:

(As far as the RNC is concerned my name is "Bob.")

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Dental Hygiene In The Air

From the P-G:

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Headline Of The Day

Miss Indiana Has Many Interesting Qualities

And Bolivia exports tin!

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Headline Of The Day

Six injured by exploding fondue

Time to unload a little Shock-and-Awe on Switzerland's ass.

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Torture

No, really. If you watch this you have only yourselves to blame:

[Via Jesse Wendel.]

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No Comment

[Via FDL.]

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Ooookay...

Down in Florida:

An animal sneaking around Baker County is not an orangutan as originally thought but likely a fox squirrel, state wildlife officials said Friday. Officers with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission laid doughnuts at a base of a tree after residents reported seeing a "big orange ball of fur."

The animal was probably an orange phase fox squirrel, Fish and Wildlife investigator Ken Holmes told The Florida Times-Union. The red-orange animals can grow to be about 2 feet tall and can climb in trees.

Right then. Let's review. This is an orangutan:

And this is a fox squirrel:

Now, class, tell me what differences between the two you can spot.

(As a side note, this is a decent example of why I'm skeptical of "eyewitness" testimony.)

(As another side note, I'd laugh like hell if this turned out to be an orang, natch.)

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Harsh Justice

Chomp:

The man, whose name has not been released, was allegedly burglarizing a vehicle in the parking lot of the Miccosukee Resort and Convention Center on Thursday. He ran when police arrived at the scene, said Dexter Lehtinen, one of the tribe's police legal advisors.

Tribal police divers searched for the man that night, then again Friday morning and afternoon. During the third dive, the body was recovered. It bore alligator teeth marks on the upper torso.

The Miami-Dade County Medical Examiner Department said the cause of death was an alligator attack.

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It's A Good Thing I Ignore Sundays

Italian police kill football fan

Man, that's strict.

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Headlines I Could Do Without

Enjoy a refreshing ham soda

Still:

"As always, both packs are kosher and contain zero caffeine," Jones said in a statement.

I hope all my Jewish readers enjoy their ham soda.

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Curiouser And Curiouser

The Greenwald/Boylan imbroglio takes another turn. Greg Mitchell:

E&P contacted Boylan for a clarification about the email. Late Monday night he (or someone claiming to be him) replied: "I am denying writing and sending it. I know from past experience with Mr. Greenwald that any email exchange with him would be posted to his site as well as there is no need to discuss anything with him. I would only contact him in response to anything he would directly send to me as he did in this case. I have not contacted Mr. Greenwald since this summer" -- until Greenwald asked him to confirm the Sunday email, when "I told him it was not mine and I did not send it."

[...]

Knowing that I had a brief exchange of emails with Boylan last spring, I went back and found them -- with the Boylan in them sounding an awful lot like the Boylan in the disputed email to Greenwald.

Personally, I think Boylan is lying. The irony is that Boylan (if it was him) was disputing Glenn's writings on the politicization of the military and Boylan's e-mail (if it was him) was an entirely political complaint.

Perhaps more seriously, if the e-mail wasn't sent by Boylan that would mean the military has a very serious security problem.

Somebody might want to look into this.

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You Can't Keep A Corrupt Iraqi Down

Judy Miller's favorite:

Ahmad Chalabi, the controversial, ubiquitous Iraqi politician and one-time Bush administration favorite, has re-emerged as a central figure in the latest U.S. strategy for Iraq.

His latest job: To press Iraq's central government to use early security gains from the surge to deliver better electricity, health, education and local security services to Baghdad neighborhoods. That's the next phase of the surge plan. Until now, the U.S. military, various militias, insurgents and some U.S. backed groups have provided those services without great success.

[...]

Chalabi "is an important part of the process," said Col. Steven Boylan, Petraeus' spokesman. "He has a lot of energy."

Never mind that Chalabi, among other things, is suspected of spying for Iran. He's the neocon's boy until the end.

As a side note, the Col. Steven Boylan mentioned above had a bizarre e-mail exchange with Glenn Greenwald yesterday. Col. Boylan might not be all that right in the head.

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Odd Critter Roundup

An ocean quahog clam thought to have lived more than 405 years has been found off the coast of Iceland. A study of the mollusk could lead to insights on the aging process.

---

In the Allegheny Forest northeast of Pittsburgh a camera fitted with an "automatic trigger" set by a hunter took a picture of Bigfoot. Or maybe a bear with mange.

My money is on the bear with mange.

---

To my friends in the Hudson River Valley: Be afraid. Be very afraid. Josh Marshall passes along the news the none other than Dead-Eye Dick Cheney will be visiting with a gun.

Maybe he'll be hunting Bigfoot. Or perhaps a bear with mange. Either way, keep to your basements up there.

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In Case You Missed It...

...The CIA's new "Terrorist Buster" logo:

And yes, judging by the name, it's supposed to look like this:

Still, I suppose it could've been worse. The CIA could have designed a logo based on this guy:







I know I keep saying it but we really are ruled my morons.

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Noted In Passing

Apparently, I broke YouTube.

Who knew I had such power?

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Headline Of The Day

Robot Cannon Kills 9, Wounds 14

[Via JMM.]

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The Cola Wars

What's not to love about this story:

Pepsi has been trying to best Coke for years in the world-wide cola war, but Pepsi seems to have landed a blow in a hinterlands skirmish recently at a Wal-Mart in Indiana County.

An employee from each company was delivering products to the Wal-Mart on Oakland Avenue in White Township on Monday morning and "apparently bickering back and forth" as they worked, state police said. It's not clear exactly what the bickering was about, but as the Coke employee left the store, the Pepsi guy called him over to the side of the Wal-Mart.

There, police said, he "punched the victim three times in the face," breaking his nose and giving him a black eye.

The Coke delivery man, Robert Koscho, was taken to a nearby hospital and treated by Dr. Pepper.

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The Hell?

By now we're all familiar - too familiar - with the "Nigerian e-mail scam" spam and its variants.

Well, hold on to your hats 'cuz it has turned weird:

Ms. Wegman was a victim of the Nigerian Puppy Scam, which has been crossing the country for more than a year. Much of the fraud is transpiring on the Internet -- e-mails sent directly to consumers or puppy ads posted on legitimate Web sites. Some of the scammers are buying classified ads in newspapers, including the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

What's next? A Nigerian Emu Scam?

Extra points for creativity, though.

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Post For The Day

Her is my post for the day.

I hope you've enjoyed it.

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As If We Don't Have Enough To Worry About

Health Officials Worry About Deadly Amoebas

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

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Remaining Bush Supporters Gather In Pittsburgh

(Photo by John Heller / Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

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Another Must Read

Tony Norman.

Ghosts, indeed.

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Chris Matthews

Getting creepier.

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Headline Of The Day

Boy is accused of sausage assault

If it had been a Blutwurst the kid should've gotten life.

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Explain, Please

A frequent commenter recently invited me to join "Facebook." I thought, what the heck. After a terrifying sign-up process I was asked to "poke" people.

That's when I gave up.

I'm doomed to never understand this modern world.

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Make It Stop

Steely McBeam terrorizes a child.

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Funniest. Website. Ever

Cats That Look Like Hitler.

[Via dangerblonde.]

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Headline Of The Day

Hunt under way for escaped snake

People living in a County Tyrone town are being alerted to the fact that a snake is on the loose.

The Hogg Island Boa, which escaped from a house in the Dublin Road area of Omagh, is more than six-feet long and has the ability to change colour.

Where' that St. Patrick fella when you need him?

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Headline Of The Day

Japanese biker fails to notice missing leg

A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

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An Idea That Should Be Weighted Down And Thrown In The Allegheny River

I care not at all for football and even less for the Pittsburgh Steelers but I see that the team has created a mascot: Steely McBeam:



Peter Diana, Post-Gazette

That's some good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.

Do the Steelers really want to be laughingstock of the country?

Yeesh.

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ADDED: More snark!

Ol' Froth
Judge Rufus Peckham
Ms. Mon
Attaturk

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Headline Of The Day III

Utah wildfire forces airlift of Boy Scouts, hikers

Sooo many jokes...

But here's the kicker:

Actual picture accompanying actual article.

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Headline Of The Day II

Hillary's Tits

(It's a good post, actually.)

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The Squirrel Menace

Laura Rozen asks, "This cannot possibly be true?" A fair question:

The rodents were found near the Iranian border allegedly equipped with eavesdropping devices.

The reports have come from the official Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA).

When asked about the confiscation of the spy squirrels, the national police chief said: "I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information."

The IRNA said that the squirrels were kitted out by foreign intelligence services - but they were captured two weeks ago by police officers.

A Foreign Office source told Sky News: "The story is nuts."

But if true, this would not be the first time animals have been used to spy.

During World War II the Allied Forces used pigeons to fly vital intelligence out of occupied France.

More recently, US marines stationed in Kuwait have used chickens as a low-tech chemical detection system.

And it is well documented that dolphins have been used to seek out underwater mines.

It is even claimed that M15 once planned to recruit a team of specially-trained gerbils as a secret weapon to sniff out spies.

Note that the story is from one of Rupert Murdoch's propaganda outlets so...

Superspy!

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Krakatoa, East Of Java

Now, I've had my share of coffee that tastes like shit but this is ridiculous:

[The civets] move at night, creeping along the limbs of robusta and hybrid arabusta trees, sniffing out sweet red coffee cherries and selecting only the tastiest. After chewing off the fruity exterior, they swallow the hard innards.

In the animals' stomachs, enzymes in the gastric juices massage the beans, smoothing off the harsh edges that make coffee bitter and produce caffeine jitters. Humans then separate the greenish-brown beans from the rest of the dung, and once a thin outer layer is removed, they are ready for roasting. The result is a delicacy with a markup so steep it would make a drug dealer weep.

It's called kopi luwak, from the Indonesian words for coffee and civet, and by the time it reaches the shelves of swish foreign food emporiums, devotees fork out as much as $600 for a pound — if they can even find that much. The British royal family is said to enjoy sipping it. A single cup can sell for $30 at a five-star hotel in Hong Kong.

$600 a pound for coffee that may not taste like shit but certainly comes from shit.

Humans are odd creatures.

Care for a cup o' joe?

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Follow Up

Remember the errant wrecking ball? Now we have pics!



JIM STEFANUCCI/Meadville Tribune

The Meadville Tribune has put a slideshow of the aftermath here. Unfortunately, no shots of the ball in action.

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This Is Not Funny

Oh, hell, yes it is:

Three people were injured and 12 cars damaged this morning when a 1,500-pound wrecking ball snapped loose from a crane's cable on the campus of Allegheny College and rolled through downtown Meadville, Crawford County.

[...]

But the wrecking ball gained momentum as it rolled downhill from the college, traveling several blocks while bouncing like a pinball from curb to curb, causing damage each time. Officer Joseph said nine parked cars and one car on the street were damaged before the wrecking ball rammed into the r