A Spork in the Drawer

Good Thing There's No More White Racism!

At least that's what the rightwing keeps telling us:

Meet Dr. David McKalip.

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Your Modern GOP

Republicans want you to detail what sort of sexual practices you engage in so they can make sure they're not covered in any healthcare bill.

The Party of Godbotherers and Panty-sniffers, indeed.

Perhaps they think it only right that they know what we do sex-wise given that we know all about Republicans who hiked the Appalachian Trail, were found dead whilst wearing "two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask" as well as "a dildo in the anus covered with a condom", and who enjoy the sensual pleasures of diapers.

Fair's fair, I suppose.

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From Crazy Racist Old Man To Great PR

When last we heard from former Senator and alleged Democrat Zell Miller he was giving an unhinged speech in support of BushCheney at the 2004 Republican National Convention. Well, yesterday the crazy man had this to say about our current President:

Our globe-trotting president needs to stop and take a break and quit gallivanting around,” Miller said, adding that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel needs to put “Gorilla Glue” on his chair to keep him in the Oval Office.

Unfortunately but unsurprisingly the mostly Republican crown loudly approved of this statement.

The makers of Gorilla Glue have responded:

The Gorilla Glue Company Responds to Zell Miller's Recent Comments

We Do Not Advocate Attempting to Glue the Leader of the Free World to His Chair

News Facts

* In response to Zell Miller's recent comments, The Gorilla Glue Company sends letter to President Obama.
* The response was sent today from the desk of Peter Ragland, President, The Gorilla Glue Company.
* The Gorilla Glue Company does not advocate the gluing of President Obama to his chair with their product.
* The quality adhesive products produced by the company are for the toughest building and repair jobs.
* Gorilla brand products are created with strength and toughness as the goal.
* The Gorilla Glue Company is a family owned business located in Cincinnati, Ohio.
* Gorilla Glue represents just the type of growing small business that President Obama mentions as the job creators in our country.
* Gorilla Glue continues to: create new jobs, boast of no lay-offs, provide healthcare for all full-time employees and proudly make all products in the USA.

Quotes

Attributed to Peter Ragland, President, The Gorilla Glue Company:

* Zell Miller's recent comments have thrust our product and company into the limelight.
* While our products are known for being strong and tough we certainly would not advocate attempting to glue the Leader of the free world to his chair.

As BooMan says, best press release ever.

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When Glenn Beck Thinks You've Gone Too Far...

Oy:

Beck: Does everybody wanna be Black?

Coulter: Liberals do because that's the official, the top victim status so that being Black trumps being an insect and ahhh, huh...

Beck: I think this has spiraled out of control...

Video at link but really, why bother?

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Your Modern GOP

The official site of the Republican National Committee is promoting anti-Semitic literature, bondage fantasies, guides to anal sex, and so much more.

Really.

[Via Atrios.]

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RNC Chief Michael Steele, Explained

Jesse:

To clarify, Michael Steele just said that the Republican Party, founded in 1854, outlawed slavery by putting the 1954 version of a pledge written in 1892 in the Constitution in 1787, which in turn outlawed slavery in 1865, which was before the British did it in 1833.

If you watch the video at the link or read Alex Koppelman you'll see that Steele has much deeper problems than historical and logical ignorance.

And I mean problems.

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Meltdown

No shortage of Hitlers.

New, improved Tasers. Longer range, just as deadly.

Obama book banned in prisons.

Swimming pool re-segregated in Philly.

A bone through his nose.

Have I mentioned Hitler?

Finally, there's Hitler.

I don't know if this country is becoming too stupid to survive or too crazy.

Perhaps both.

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To The Highest Bidder

Republicans effectively eliminate the Federal Elections Commission.

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Republican Math

In a 5-4 decision all 9 Supreme Court justices voted against Sonia Sotomayor.

We should call this "Base-Republican Mathematics."

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Yes.

Continuing her jihad against the Constitutionally-mandated census, Minnesota's delightful Michele Bachmann today says:

"Does the federal government really need to know our phone numbers?" she asked. "Do they really need to know, like you said, the date and time that we leave mental stability?"

I, for one, would very much like to know "the date and time" at which Ms. Bachmann left mental stability.

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Your Modern GOP

Sen. Jim De-lovely De-lightful DeMint (R-Sharp as a Bag of Wet Mice) believes the Constitution was written in 1776.

I'm starting to think that there's something seriously wrong with South Carolina.

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Gov. Mark Sanford's Affair?

Barack Obama's fault!

How did I not figure this out?

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Hot Off The Wires!

Minnesota's Michele Bachmann is refusing to fill out census forms because Japanese-Americans were once put into concentration camps.

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Maria...

The most beautiful sound I ever heard:
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria . . .
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word . .
Maria, Maria, Maria, Maria . . .
Maria!
I've just met a girl named Maria,
And suddenly that name
Will never be the same
To me.
Maria!
I've just kissed a girl named Maria,
And suddenly I've found
How wonderful a sound
Can be!
Maria!
Say it loud and there's music playing,
Say it soft and it's almost like praying.






Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.
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...Aaaaand The Other Shoe Hits The Floor

After spending ten minutes apologizing to everyone and everything, Republican Gov. Sanford admits to having an Argentinian chica on the side.

Resigns as chair of Republican Governor's Association.

Saying that it all began innocently (doesn't it always? -ed)

Spent the last few days "crying in Argentina" (makes a funny! - ed)

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Another self-righteous fundie xtian Republican goes down in a ball of hypocritical flames. But worry not, the "liberal" media will continue to refer to the GOP as the Party of Family Values.

Repeating cheap narratives is easier than thinking.

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ADDED: Leader of the Red State 101st Fightin' Keyboarders Erick "Son of Erick" Erickson yesterday:

The Lessons of Mark Sanford's Hike

First, we need to be clear on the facts — not the media speculation:

• Sanford did tell his staff and family where he was going.
• Because he was traveling without a security detail, it was in his best interests that no one knew he was gone.
• His political enemies — Republicans at that — ginned up the media story.
• When confronted by a pestering media, things went downhill.
• Again though, at all times there was no doubt that Sanford’s staff and family knew where he was.

Are the wingnuts ever right about anything?

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Argentina For Two

As expected, the other shoe is now plummeting.

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Note: It's Summer and I'm frustrated with politics. Allow me my fun.

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Question

I've never hiked the Appalachian Trail but should I decide to do so is it necessary for me to pack a valid passport with the rest of my hiking gear?

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Another Day, Another Story

Remember how The Runaway Governor's staff had been insisting that he was simply hiking the Appalachian Trail? Consider that story to be inoperative:

Gov. Mark Sanford arrived in the Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport this morning, having wrapped up a seven-day visit to Buenos Aires, Argentina, he said. Sanford said he had not been hiking along the Appalachian Trail, as his staff said in a Tuesday statement to the media.

[...]

Sanford, in an exclusive interview with The State, said he decided at the last minute to go to the South American country to recharge after a difficult legislative session in which he battled with lawmakers over how to spend federal stimulus money.

[...]

Sanford said he was alone on the trip. He declined to give any additional details about what he did other than to say he drove along the coastline.

[...]

When asked why his staff said he was on the Appalachian Trail, Sanford replied, "I don't know."

One would be forgiven for thinking that there might be more to this story.

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The Runaway Governor

The Sanford Saga has now officially landed on Bizarro World:

On Tuesday, sources told News 4's Nigel Robertson that a state vehicle is missing and was tracked down, not to the Appalachian Trail, but to the Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta.

Sources told Robertson that a federal agent spotted Sanford in the airport boarding a plane. Robertson was told that the governor was not accompanied by security detail. [emphasis added]

[...]

But sources told WYFF News 4 that the federal agent who spotted Sanford saw him at the Atlanta airport, which is about 80 miles from the start of the trail.

WYFF News 4 has not yet confirmed where the plane was going or how the governor got to the airport, but it is clear there are two very different stories.

News 4 called the governor's office, and was told again by staffers that they stand by their original statement that the governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail. They did not want to comment on this story.

In addition, Mrs. Gov. Sanford says she has no idea where he is.

This sort of behavior should disqualify someone from being president, yes?

[Via Zachary Roth.]

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Your Modern GOP

Joyce E. Thoman, president of Republican Women of Anne Arundel County, writes a letter:

Dear Friends:

Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common in my view. Obama and Hitler use the “blitzkrieg” method to overwhelm their enemies. FAST, CARPET BOMBING intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it AMERICA. First the banking/investment industry, next private enterprise (GM and Chrysler) and now HEALTH CARE. And he is working on grabbing more of the American economy with his environmental extremism!

We too CAN fight back. Contact everyone you know. Start a blitzkrieg of our own. Shut down the Capitol switchboards and the White House switchboards! Say NO to the Obamination of Obama Care!

Fun people, Republicans are.

Perhaps David Broder will write a column about how mean the Democrats are for not offering concessions to the likes of Ms. Thoman.

[Via Think Progress.]

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That Explains It!

So if South Carolina's Republican governor Mark Sanford really was hiking the Appalachian Trail for the last five days - a dubious assertion but let's go with it - now we know why:

Check out this set of facts. Fact 1: Gov. Mark Sanford went missing Thursday and hasn't been seen since. Fact 2: His staff has since told us that the governor has been hiking the Appalachian Trail. Fact 3: Sunday was "Naked Hiking Day" on the Appalachian Trail. We kid you not.

I certainly hope the Governor used a high SPF sunscreen on his, err, more sensitive parts.

[Via Hunter.]

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Today In Republican Censorship

Indiana fundies are trying to get author Francesca Lia Block censored:

Now an outfit called the Christian Civil Liberties Union has gotten in on the act, suing the library for, according to the West Bend Daily News, "damaging" the "mental and emotional well-being" of several individuals by displaying "Baby Be-Bop" in the library. Since attempts to label the novel as "pornographic" have failed, the (somewhat shadowy) CCLU hopes to brand it as hate speech, in part because it contains the word "nigger."

You gotta love the censorship group's use of the term "civil liberties."

Calling Mr. Orwell, Mr. George Orwell...

And we all know how sensitive "conservatives" are to racist language.

For what it's worth: While meant for tweens, I highly recommend Block's Weetzie Bat books.

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The Mind Of A Village Idiot

Holy Joe makes it clear that he's opposed to any healthcare reform the involves a public plan ("...I don’t favor a public option because I think there’s plenty of competition in the private insurance market.” Sure, Joe, whatever you say) and demonstrates why he's a favorite of the Punditocracy:

Let’s get something done instead of having a debate.

Yes, of course, let's not have a debate. It's only politics, after all. It's not like different people have different ideas that need to be hashed out.

Honestly, I'll never understand the collective worldview of Lieberman and Broder and the rest of our self-anointed elites. For whatever psychological reason (bedrock authoritarianism? Sheer laziness?) they simply cannot stand any sort of conflict, however mild. All issues must be settled by a writ handed down from on high (and, perhaps not coincidentally, such writs always fall on the right side of the political spectrum).

Issues, ideas, politics are often messy.

Deal.

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Your Modern GOP

Republicans suggest that Judge Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation hearings should be delayed until 2011.

I wish I could say that I'm surprised.

Harry Reid responds.

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In Re: US Contitution, Article III, Section 3

Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Beijing):

The Straits Times reports that Kirk spoke to the Center for Strategic and International Studies, a Washington think tank, and discussed a meeting he had with Chinese leaders.

[...]

"One of the messages I had -- because we need to build trust and confidence in our number one creditor," said Kirk, "is that the budget numbers that the US government had put forward should not be believed. The Congress is actually gonna spend quite a bit more than what's in the budget, and the health-care bill probably being the lead driver of additional spending by the Congress."

The Logan Act:

The Logan Act (18 U.S.C.A. § 953 [1948]) is a single federal statute making it a crime for a citizen to confer with foreign governments against the interests of the United States. Specifically, it prohibits citizens from negotiating with other nations on behalf of the United States without authorization.*

All together now: If a Democrat had done this...

*However: "Because the language is so broad in scope, legal scholars and judges have suggested that the Logan Act is unconstitutional."

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Oh Good Lord

The leader of the Republican Party:

It is offensive to the sensibilities of millions of people to hear a member of the state-run media refer to a half-black, half-white human being with no experience running anything of substance referred to as a god. He may be president of the United States, but he's not a god.

To paraphrase Vernon Wormer, Dean of Faber College: Fat, drugged, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

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The Emotional Development Of Six Year-Olds

publius at Obsidian Wings writes post criticizing wingnut legal hit-man (and former Loyal Bushie). Wingnut legal hit-man takes offense. Wingnut legal hit-man gets a tip and outs (in the blog sense) publius.

Wingnuts really don't understand what whiny little children they are, do they?

[Via TBogg, who himself was outed some years ago.]

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Who Says The Republicans Are Out Of Touch?

Solution to the budget problem? Kill your children:

Rather than proposing, for example, the elimination of the Education Department, as they have in the past, Republicans are suggesting killing a program that pays for building sidewalks, bike paths and crossing guards as part of the Safe Routes to Schools program. That would save $183 million a year.

Culture of life, indeed.

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Minority Outreach

Manuel Miranda, leader of the opposition to Sonia Sotomayor (and unconvicted felon) on the difference between Hispanics and Blacks:

Hispanic polls, Hispanic surveys, indicate that Hispanics think just like everyone else. We’re not like African-Americans. We think just like everybody else.

Now, accusations of racism will be met with howls of outrage. As we all know, calling someone a racist is far worse than being a racist.

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Oh Those Republicans

The Party of Perverts:

Pennsylvania Attorney General Tom Corbett says a member of an Allegheny County state legislator's staff wanted to engage in sex acts with a teenage boy while dressed in a panda costume.

Corbett says 40-year-old Alan David Berlin, of Carlisle, Cumberland County, was charged Thursday with attempted sexual exploitation of children and related crimes.

[...]

Agents from the attorney general's office found a wolf and cat-type costume in Berlin's home, Corbett said.

At least no wetsuits were involved.

Perhaps sexual repression isn't such a good thing.

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Michele Bachmann: The Comic Book!

Coming soon!

[Via Eric Kleefeld.]

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It's Going Be A Long Couple Of Months

Judge Sotomayor is unqualified for the Supreme Court because she enjoys Puerto Rican food:

This has prompted some Republicans to muse privately about whether Sotomayor is suggesting that distinctive Puerto Rican cuisine such as patitas de cerdo con garbanzo — pigs’ tongue and ears — would somehow, in some small way influence her verdicts from the bench.

Curt Levey, the executive director of the Committee for Justice, a conservative-leaning advocacy group, said he wasn’t certain whether Sotomayor had claimed her palate would color her view of legal facts but he said that President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee clearly touts her subjective approach to the law.

[Via TPM.]

Poe's Law:

Poe's Law relates to fundamentalism, and the difficulty of identifying actual parodies thereof. It suggests that, in general, it is hard to tell fake fundamentalism from the real thing, since they may both espouse equally extreme beliefs. Poe's law also works in reverse: real fundamentalism can also be indistinguishable from parody fundamentalism.

Substitute "conservatism" for "fundamentalism" and you're good to go.

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ADDED: Dijon mustard. It always comes back to Dijon mustard.

Will the treason never end?

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True Story

Back when I was in college I had a friend who insisted on pronouncing the name of the German composer Richard Wagner wag-ner rather than the correct VAHG-ner. The reasoning? "I'm an American and I pronounce things the American way." (Yes, he was a conservative Republican. Why do you ask?)

Not that there's a reason why I tell this story now.

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Repeal The 13th Amendment!

The Republican Committee attacks Obama for saying that slavery was a bad thing.

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Cowards

For once it's the Republicans who have no spine:

Members of the Republican National Committee appear to have reached a compromise that would let GOP leaders avoid a possible dispute over a controversial resolution that calls on Democrats to re-name their party the "Democrat Socialist party."

[...]

[New Jersey committeeman David Norcross] said that as of Tuesday afternoon, the chairman of the RNC Standing Committee on Resolutions had changed the language to "condemn the Democrats' march to socialism" instead of "talking about the 'Democrat Socialist' party."

This is going to make things significantly more difficult for the Republican Party. Had they showed some intestinal fortitude and demanded the majority party rename itself the "Democrat Socialist Party" it would have resulted in Republicans everywhere being elected every time because nobody likes socialists.

It follows!

Oh well. Looks like the GOP is going to have to return to power the hard way - one teabag at a time.

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And Yet No Liberals Are Allowed

Jeffrey Toobin writing about Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts in the current New Yorker:

His jurisprudence as Chief Justice, Roberts said, would be characterized by “modesty and humility.” After four years on the Court, however, Roberts’s record is not that of a humble moderate but, rather, that of a doctrinaire conservative. The kind of humility that Roberts favors reflects a view that the Court should almost always defer to the existing power relationships in society. In every major case since he became the nation’s seventeenth Chief Justice, Roberts has sided with the prosecution over the defendant, the state over the condemned, the executive branch over the legislative, and the corporate defendant over the individual plaintiff. Even more than Scalia, who has embodied judicial conservatism during a generation of service on the Supreme Court, Roberts has served the interests, and reflected the values, of the contemporary Republican Party.

...Roberts’s service on the Court, which is, of course, likely to continue for decades, offers an enduring and faithful reflection of the Bush Presidency.

Something worth remembering over the coming weeks and months (and years).

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Children

Your modern Republican Party:

A RNC member tells Roger Simon that when committee members meet in an extraordinary special session next week, they will approve a resolution rebranding Democrats as the "Democrat Socialist Party."

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Poor Arlen

He never saw it coming:

Democrats have watched that drill play out countless times in recent years. But it was revealing to watch Specter become the Noise Machine's target. Even though Specter, as a moderate Republican, was never a favorite of the Noise Machine, the right-wing media movement never would have ripped his words out of context and spread a vicious smear about him if he had stayed put in the GOP. But now that he's outside the shrinking tent, Specter's fair game for whatever contrived and mean-spirited hoax conservative "journalists" can dream up.

[...]

The onslaught seemed to catch Specter and his communications team off guard, but this is what the Noise Machine does the when the bell rings and smear campaigns are launched; facts are discarded and the phony allegations actually get embellished through a gruesome game of telephone. (I heard Specter once threatened to beat up Kemp!)

Couldn't happen to a nicer jackass.

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USA! USA! USA!

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Aristocratic English Monarchical Socialist Sauce

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Liberal Elitist French Sauce

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Ronald Reagan's Favorite Vegetable

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Islamocommunofascism

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[stunned silence]

Tenured wingnut law professor is on his third day of freaking out over Dijon mustard.

Wonkette:

*This* is how to go fucking nuts, live on the Internet. No offhand one-liners about TelePrompters or Kenya. Child’s play! You’ve got to see Barack Obama order Dijon mustard for a hamburger and write a 9-update cosmic mindfuck of a blog post about it, littered with disastrous jokes left and right (”Mayo” looks/sounds like “Mao” !! !), over the course of three days. So thank you William A. Jacobson, Ivy League Law Professor, because this Internet deserves a better class of wingnut.

Jacobson asserts that those of us making fun of him are intolerant of free speech just like...wait for it...Hugo Chavez!

It's darkly entertaining to see just how insane the rightwing becomes.

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Manufactured Scandal Du Jour

Dijon mustard.

Most people need psychotropic drugs to become this unmoored from reality. For Republicans, it's organic.

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Infighting And Backbiting And Recriminations, Oh My

What fun!

Republican Sens. Orrin Hatch and George Voinovich blamed the Club for Growth for imposing a right-wing litmus test that chased Arlen Specter out of the Republican Party. The Club for Growth blamed Specter — first for helping to ruin the GOP and then for leaving it. A leading Republican strategist blamed the party for turning its back on moderates. Sen. Lindsey Graham sniped at Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. Specter’s pollster blamed the stimulus bill. Karl Rove blamed Specter himself.

[...]

In the nasty game of Who Lost Specter, only Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell seemed to go unscathed — although his pain will come as he tries to lead a caucus that is likely to be too small to stand in the way of anything the Democrats want to do.

You almost have to feel sorry for them.

Oh, who am I kidding. Let's pop some popcorn and enjoy the show.

[Via BarbinMD.]

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Quote Of The Day

Sean Hannity:

I think if anything, the Republican Party is moved to the left in recent years.

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Shadenfreude

This almost makes it worth it:

Senate staffers inform me that Republicans in the Senate are visibly in agony right now.

That brings a smile to my face, it does.

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Timing Is Everything

First there was Bobby Jindal's mocking of volcano monitoring followed shortly by the eruption of Alaska's Mt. Redoubt.

And now we see (by way of Attaturk) that the "moderate" and "bipartisan" Republican Senator from Maine, Susan Collins, had another concern:

Susan was successful in eliminating this wasteful spending. Luckily for her, there's no chance of a flu pandemic.

Ooops.

Republicans - always thinking ahead.

(Would it be churlish of me to point out that Texas Gov. Rick "Secession Now!" Perry is demanding that the Feds hand over anti-virals to him? Yes, yes it would.)

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Yes, Comical

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-PermaTan) on global warming:

George, the idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical.

Over the last week we've had juvenile fun with the righties and their mass public teabaggings. There's been something of a backlash against that - instead of giggling like junior high schoolers why don't we address their complaints in an adult, rational fashion?

Well, take a look at that quote from Boehner again. That's why.

The modern Republican Party doesn't do debate, they string together buzzwords to create incoherent aural bumperstickers. Facts and reality don't enter in to it (We create our own reality, said the Bush advisor).

As far as I'm concerned, as long as Republicans insist on this sort of nonsense then ridicule is the proper, indeed, the only rational, response.

[Via TPMDC.]

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